“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock” (Matthew 7:24-5).
I am a firm believer than you can not ask a child to become something that was not provided as a model before them. By this I mean, having a parent with limited resource and unstable foundation will not provide a great example for a child seeking to develop a life of stability. And as a follow up from one of my most recent blog post, ‘Build[ing] Your Child, As You Would Your Home’, it is only right that I clarify that a mother must first require a solid foundation before understanding the requirement that a child needs one as well.
Do Not Forsake Foundation for Comfort
What I first came to realize as a mother who had many titles, such as; daughter, friend, co-worker, usher, volunteer, and girlfriend, was that in order for me to properly lead a positive life - I had to establish a positive foundation...a foundation that was unwavering and uncomfortable. See, because it was easy to take on the roles in which I received these titles, but with the titles also came the storms. We all know that being apart of any family comes with its share of generational curses and blessings, but no one ever discusses the burden that the curses of your generation can root themselves in every aspect of your life. I am going to keep it real for a second and share a few of my curses...I was one that led on to have a life that was all together...yet on the inside, I was broken. I was broken from being promiscuous, being sexually assaulted, being abused, and being angry. But on the outside, I was fine. I was strong, and I had it all under control.
But did I though... No, I did not. Although I had many titles, I worked these roles within my level of comfort. I would not allow anyone or anything to take me out of my comfort zone, because otherwise things got shifty. When out of my comfort zone, my mood was undetermined, my mind uncontrollable, and my words were very much unpredictable. As people say, I could go from 0-100 real quick...and that was not very stable to say the least. As a result of being unstable, my actions were also erratic. And guess who saw the erratic behaviors of my footsteps and decided to follow? My child.
Foundation Requires Balance
This is where I learned that your actions were to match that of your foundation. A foundation that in every role and aspect of life should reflect your solidarity. And even when pushed or pulled, with alignment rooted in your mind, your actions would follow. And you know what, when I became aligned, my roles became consistent, and my mothering skills became habitual. My daughter became more well- behaved and respectful. Just a little tip from Bishop T.D. Jake's, “you cannot chastise your child more than you praise them”. What he was saying here, was that foundation requires stability.
And you know what I also learned from being a more stable mother, that foundation was not natural, but that it was intentional. It was almost like checking off a to-do list in life. On this list was things like: Did I tell her that I loved her today, Did we pray together today, Did I lead a good example in my daily roles for my child, and Did I challenge her mentally for the storms that transpire in life. This is one of the most difficult pieces when maintaining your stable foundation - doing so with consistent courage. Because, honestly, it takes a lot of courage to stand your ground in any role in life but more importantly as a parent. No has to be, No. And even when the storms come, because they will, you still must stay grounded in who you are and what you are rooted in.
I really pray that this message inspires you to build your home on hard “rock”, as the lord will ensure that even in the midst of your storm or the storm of your child's life, you will “not fall, because [you] had [your] foundation on the rock” ((Matthew 7:24-5).